i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
