you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
