Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
