I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
