I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
