Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
