if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
