Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
