True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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