How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
