Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
