So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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