dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
