if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
