You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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