How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
