you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
