Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
