Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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