I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
