I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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