Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
