Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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