I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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