Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
