only if we run a train.
done.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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