drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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