tell your sister to shave her snatch
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
