Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
