I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize