I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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