I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
