I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
