and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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