did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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