Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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