you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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