he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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