you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
