I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
