My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
