all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
