my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
