I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
