Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
