So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
