my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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