who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
