He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
