i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
