Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
