everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
