you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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