well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were trust falling into bushes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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