You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
