So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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