I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
