I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
