When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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