He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
