I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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