i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
