Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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