Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
