I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His nipple licking is glorious
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