i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
