you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
MIDGETS
????
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
