I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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