Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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