A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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