nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
