Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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