oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
