I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
