Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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