Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
