I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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