hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
